I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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