no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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