i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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