her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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