I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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