Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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