You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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