Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
