If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
