Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
