she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
