dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
