The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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