I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
