I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
