The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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