I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
