the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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