btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
