Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
