Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
