Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
