I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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