I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
