I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
