I puked a lego.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
