I am puke
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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