all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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