You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
