i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
