you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
