Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
