The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
