I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
