I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
