Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
