just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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