I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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