he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
