now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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