if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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