So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
