Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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