Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
