also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my liver is dry heaving
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
