Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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