1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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