Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
