It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
