and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
