Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
