i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
