I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
