Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My feet surprised me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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