Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
