yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
