I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
