and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
